


The Elephant in the room

by FairyAscending



Series: Dragon Age - Reactions [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Everything Hurts, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Multi, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 14:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15775764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyAscending/pseuds/FairyAscending
Summary: If there is one thing that all of my Inquisitors have in common, it's that they occasionally angst over bumps along the road of their different relationships...May the curtain rise for their angsty reactions to those.





	The Elephant in the room

How long?

How long can you watch, while someone you love busts under the torture of their own past?

My hands dive deeper in the bucket of magically frozen water and clench a little tighter around the washcloth I am preparing to soothe Cullens fever a bit. It's the only thing I can think of...what a joke! 

I never minded taking care of Cullen, when the lack of lyrium makes him like this. I somehow even consider it a privilege...the fact that he trusts me enough to let me see him like this, to let me look after him, when everybody else would've been scared away...literally. 

Thing is...I don't even know if he should.

All I can do is watch and hold his hand...watch as the demons that have been slain ten years ago, still claw at his shredded soul, watch as he subconsciously, or sometimes even consciously, moans for lyrium and becomes someone who would scare him and who does scare me a bit on the occasion, watch as he simply flinches from me or Dorian lighting candles for dinner or an evening chess game, even if he values Dorian as a friend and I have no doubt about his feelings for me...

And I say it right now: I resent it. I resent the fact that I have to let this run its course. There will be setbacks and its a long important process and blah, blah, blah! 

I resent being powerless...unable to do anything about this situation.

Unless...

Yes. I, Inquisitor Ariana Trevelyan, Herald of Andraste and figurehead of the faithful...am a blood magic risk. 

A sweet little blade, just a bit of my own blood...I would not take the blood of someone else, willing or not. I would NOT call a demon, but...there are other ways. Rituals. A way out for him.

Andraste once said that magic should serve men, not rule over them...but that is a matter of interpretation, as Mother Giselle told me back at Haven. Would it not serve Cullen well? Burying those terrible memories? Wiping them entirely? 

They'd be gone...he'd go back to the man he was, when he first got deployed to Kinloch Hold. With the world changing and me taking part, my magic would no longer be a barrier between the two of us.

No! What am I thinking? I'm horrible!!

I would be robbing Cullen of his agenda, betraying his trust and whatever else!

There are so many things that could go wrong on top of it too! Just look at the risk Dorians father was willing to take! 

Dorian...he always says that there are enough idiots in the world, who think that, if they just use enough blood magic their problems will vanish! And I am one of them!

No...I couldn't.

Still...how else can I take this burden off his shoulders? Fat load of good my sitting here does...

He's got enough on his plate, without the past weighing him down!

How long until I have to watch him break?

How long until I break down, when he needs me to be strong?

How long?


End file.
